------------------------------ Results of the Salon magazine challenge to come up with computer error messages in haiku form: WINNERS Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred. -- David Dixon Everything is gone; Your life's work has been destroyed. Squeeze trigger (yes/no)? -- David Carlson HONORABLE MENTIONS: I'm sorry, there's -- um -- insufficient -- what's-it-called? The term eludes me ... -- Owen Mathews Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. -- Peter Rothman Seeing my great fault Through darkening blue windows I begin again -- Chris Walsh The code was willing, It considered your request, But the chips were weak. -- Barry L. Brumitt Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have a pen handy? -- Pat Davis A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. -- David J. Liszewski Errors have occurred. We won't tell you where or why. Lazy programmers. -- Charlie Gibbs Server's poor response Not quick enough for browser. Timed out, plum blossom. -- Rik Jespersen Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. -- Suzie Wagner Login incorrect. Only perfect spellers may enter this system. -- Jason Axley This site has been moved. We'd tell you where, but then we'd have to delete you. -- Charles Matthews wind catches lily scatt'ring petals to the wind: segmentation fault -- Nick Sweeney ABORTED effort: Close all that you have. You ask way too much. -- Mike Hagler First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully. -- Simon Firth With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: "My Novel" not found. -- Howard Korder The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring fresh toner. -- Bill Torcaso The Web site you seek cannot be located but endless others exist -- Joy Rothke Stay the patient course Of little worth is your ire The network is down -- David Ansel A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. -- James Lopez There is a chasm of carbon and silicon the software can't bridge -- Rahul Sonnad Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that -- Margaret Segall To have no errors Would be life without meaning No struggle, no joy -- Brian M. Porter You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. -- Cass Whittington No keyboard present Hit F1 to continue Zen engineering? -- Jim Griffith Hal, open the file Hal, open the damn file, Hal open the, please Hal -- Jennifer Jo Lane Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. -- Francis Heaney Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. -- Judy Birmingham The ten thousand things How long do any persist? Netscape, too, has gone. -- Jason Willoughby Rather than a beep Or a rude error message, These words: "File not found." -- Len Dvorkin Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank. -- Ian Hughes